What the F%*k?!

So, I call my parent's house to ask my mom some stuff and my dad answers the phone - kind of a rarity. I ask him if mom is there and he says "No, she's up at the hospital with Nora" (my sister). I ask if everything is ok - to which he replies "Yes, everything is fine....she had her baby - it was a boy, blah blah blah blah blah blah....."

So what's the big deal, you ask? Well, the big deal is I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW SHE WAS PREGNANT!!!! AGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIN! Yup, this is her 2nd kid and the second time she doesn't want me included or even to KNOW about it!!!

And they wonder why I feel like an outcast. W/E

I hate them all. THEY CHOSE ME!!! I was adopted!! Well, I now, am officially divorcing all of them and their sick twisted minded lot of them. I don't need this shit any more and I am tired of trying to unite a family that doesn't want me and I should have wised up a long time ago. Well, guess what ASSHOLES?!?! I got it now!! Give me my shit, pay me my $$ and I am out of your lives for good! Oh, and in case you are wondering.....MY kids want nothing to do with you either. You hurt them, you hurt me, and they don't ever want to see you again.

Who the heck is Barry??

I am a strong supporter of the Dems. Not sure why exactly. To be honest, I think that a lot of it has to do with the Republican bs being shoved down my throat growing up. Not to mention that most Dems are more in line with things I agree with. Anyhoo, I was researching the stats on Barack Obama when I encountered this little quiz I thought was interesting. For some dumb reason it tells me that I want to vote for McCain.....um, NO! Well, it had this link thingy and so I am posting it on here and my myspace page. Let me know what ya'll think and if it told you to vote the way you thought. (Maybe I am just having an off day....who knows?)

The ongoing struggle of parenthood....GRRRR!

This entry is about two of my three children. I thought that it was interesting as it unfolded and that I would share it as an ethical choice of parenthood.
Brandi, age 7 is a very outspoken individual. There is NEVER a doubt as to what that child is thinking. She declares it LONG and LOUD!! This, of course, makes her a lot of trouble because EVERYTHING about her is noticeable. Burgandy, age 6 is quite the opposite, very quiet - always going with the flow.... for the most part.
Most of the time these two girls quarrel as long as the day is and this is a difficult ordeal to break. There are rare moments when the two get along but before I can breathe a sigh of relief, the fighting begins again: "She started it", UGH! I rest my case.
On this particular day, my significant other (who has a great deal of trouble with Brandi - because the two of them are so much alike) happened to see Brandi wave her hands in her sister's face and despite Burgandy's request that she stop - continued to do it. My SO, Troy punished Brandi with a time out for not stopping as her sister had asked. Brandi made a HUGE ordeal about the time out and ended up having to have additional time added on.
Later, when her time out was over, I called Brandi over to me to talk to her about what had happened and to help her understand that there were other things she could have and should have done. Troy had to leave prior to the end of her discipline so I was operating solo on this one.
Brandi revealed to me that Burgandy was in fact the one that was putting HER hands in HER face - something that I vaguely recalled seeing occur, but for some reason didn't tie it to what transpired after that. I told Brandi that I did in fact witness this infraction on her sisters behalf and that should this occur again, she should remove herself from the situation. If Burgandy continues to follow her, then to come to me or to Troy and let us know that she has tried to remove herself from the situation; to no avail. Then, we will deal with the offender - her sister.
I then told the two of them to play nice and sat back and watched the two of them. The same scenario played out in front of me once again only this time, Brandi did as I had suggested and removed herself from her sisters' presence. Burgandy followed her and continued to try to get her goat. Then Brandi came to me and told me what was going on.
When Troy returned, I told him what I had found out from Brandi and that I knew she was telling the truth because I had seen that incident. Troy and I then had a talk with Burgandy about trying to annoy her older sibling and/or trying to get her into trouble.
Hopefully, this lesson will not have to be repeated but I think that it is significant with parenthood of children that we need to look deeper into the issues at hand and not just rely on what appears to be on the surface.

Is God Real?

The Lord is good and has shown His mercy to me and my children. A safe place has been obtained for my children until our house is ready to move into. God has kept us all safe despite the attempts to destroy us. Thank you Jesus!

After securing a safe haven for my children – I was on my way back to work when an accident happened literally before my eyes! Somehow, miraculously, I was able to stop in time to avoid hitting the car that spun out in front of me. Having been rear-ended in the past, my first instinct is to look in the rear-view mirror to see what will possibly hit me. To my horror, not only is a direct hit inevitable, but it is a semi truck! My thoughts turned to my children and I prayed God would spare me from death. I was waiting with my eyes closed, praying, for the impact of getting hit at 60 mph. The hit never came. Although we were in rush hour traffic and he was following me close (too close) by the grace of God he was able to stop in time to avoid hitting me. For any of you readers that know anything about big trucks and how their air brakes work, you know that a big truck has more accurate stopping ability when fully loaded. This truck was completely empty! Theoretically, he should have run right over me. I should have died. I should not be here to write this right now, but I know that God saved my life in order to bring glory to Him and that is why I share this story with you.

This isn’t the first time that God has spared my life from impending doom. He has shown Himself real to me many times in many ways. I am not perfect, far far from it!! I do things all the time that He probably doesn’t approve of. He knows that. Despite that, He loves me enough to reach down from heaven and stop a speeding truck about to kill me.

I try to seek His will and direction for my life. Some days I should and could do better. But I know that He loves me despite my faults and always will. He never gives up and won’t give up on me no matter what stupid choices I make.

If you are reading this, and my story has touched you, ask God to come in your life and show Himself real to you. When you do that, be ready….He loves to show Himself real to those that ask and He will do it for you! He loves us all and won’t ever turn anyone away.

Thankful for God’s Love,

ME

..::It is sad::..

It's pretty sad when 3 young children don't understand what is going on because of the adults they are around....It's pretty sad when their beloved Mama's name and voice they are not permitted to hear a sound....Without anger and hatred to which nothing neither they nor she could have done...For love and acceptance would never any of them won.

It's pretty sad some have taken advantage of those who are down....Taken money, made accusations and spread lies all over town.....by wearing a disguise making it appear they care….then turn and act like they are the ones in despair.

It’s pretty sad when you don’t know what to do or what to say....For these babies, how can I make the hate go away?...To them, I say “I am coming soon”…..to wrap you in my love and a safe cocoon….Where Mama will be there day after day…..and our family will be together to stay.

It will be pretty sad for anyone who tries to hurt us again….will lose the battle because we will win…..Jesus Christ is our strength and guide…..and safely in His love we will abide.

It’s pretty sad for some who don’t see….that you have nothing without family….but since they have chosen that as their plight….so be it – without a fight.

It’s pretty sad those that see wrong….don’t stand up but just go along….with the evil that prevails in front of them….so also will they be condemned.

It’s pretty sad so-called Christians behave this way….for heavy on my heart does it weigh…not only the hurt and pain….but Jesus will see us through all this again.

It’s pretty sad for the one….who’s responsible for all the hurt that is done….but Jesus tells me to love my enemies….and to learn to turn the other cheek.

So, Jesus, I pray that you will take this control…and the evil to which these innocents are in the hole….but Lord, just as you rose again….I know that in the end YOU will win!...Take care of the 3 for whom this was written…knowing that in the end nothing is hidden….the Truth is alive and well….and saves ME from the gates of hell.

-bdq021508

Think you are having a bad day?

Yesterday was BEYOND horrible. We were supposed to pick up a load at the shipper at 11 am. We were already late when the dispatcher sends a message telling us that we need to go to the ATS shop/yard in Baltimore, MD to pick up more equipment from another trailer for the load. The customer said they HAD to have a minimum of 85 pads for the load.

We go to the yard, but before we get to the yard we have to cross this incredibly high bridge crossing the ocean – it’s probably 3 miles long. Mind you, the wind was gusting at 45-50 mph!! So, we pray all the way across, and live to tell about it. (Thank you, Jesus!)

We get to the shop and found 5 pads – 80 short from what the shipper said we had to have. We tell Neil, who sends us back south (toward the shipper) and yup we had to cross that bridge again…..or not. We get there and I happened to notice that there is a sign posted not allowing empty box trailers across because of the winds. We are turned around. So, we get directions to get to I-95 by other means and we are on our way. But not before a fight at the toll booth with the toll lady that tells us we still have to pay both ways in order to be able to leave! This is outrageous! We have to pay not once, but twice to NOT use their bridge!

So we are finally “allowed” to get by without paying this time – but it won’t happen again….well, anyhoo, ok we are going through town on streets we don’t fit on to get to the tunnel to go under the ocean instead of over it on the bridge – and the tunnel is just as long as the bridge….yikes! So, we go through it and that costs us another small fortune. We are now going south on I-95 trucking along in rush hour traffic coming out of Baltimore and we pull on the side of the road to figure out where we are going to get the pads at and then Neil calls. The place we are going to is now closed. Oh, joy to the world! NOW WHAT?! So then he finds another place to get the pads – right back where we started on the side of the bridge we couldn’t cross!! UGH! So, I re-run the GPS with the new address and it tells us to take the tunnel – uh huh, cuz we couldn’t take the bridge, but unbeknownst to US, there are TWO fricken tunnels! We end up on the wrong one, but we didn’t find that tidbit of info out til AFTER we paid our toll (AGAIN) and then waived over by the state police in their little tiny inspection bay. WE were like WTF? He tells us our trailer is too wide: 96’ max not 102’. Oh for crying out LOUD! Then the officer was sweet enough to give us a level 1 inspection. For any of you who know how the trucking business works – this is so not good! WE were looking at a $1,500.00 fine, and that was if….IF he didn’t find anything ELSE wrong! Thankfully, he didn’t and only gave us a warning. He told my b/f he liked our dog. J Way to go LiLo!!

Ok, so at this juncture, we are completely frazzled. We get redirected to I-95 Northbound to go get the stinking pads. Neil has no idea this is all going on and he’s calling and calling and calling. He then sends a message on the QC telling us to go to a different place to get pads off one of our trailers. Ok, we are already headed that way….no big deal.

..::Or so we thought::..

WE finally get there, and we are refused to be allowed to go in and get OUR Company’s equipment!! The nasty guard at the gate says we have to have an appointment….WITH WHO? The trailer?? Good GRIEF! We call Neil – that is we tried to. The phone system is down. We send a message to Neil on the QC – that’s not working….OMG! So, now we decide to hell with it, our log book for the day is nearly gone. We have just enough time to get to the shipper. While en-route, a message pops from Neil that we don’t have to go to the other location, just go to the shipper. (Geeze! Thanks for telling us BEFORE we got there! A little too late for that now, don’t ya think?) Another driver will be there tomorrow and he has enough pads for himself and us. Well, now isn’t that nice? Ok, so we go to the shipper – being VERY mindful to make sure we take the RIGHT tunnel this time – once again paying the tunnel toll! All in all, yesterday cost us $30.00 in tolls, and 318 bogus miles going absolutely nowhere and for nothing!!!! (Might I remind you that the price of fuel out here is $3.679 a gallon?!) Troy is so pleased about it he could SPIT! On our way to the shipper now, we are both ravenously hungry; I am eating Chex mix and tossing the pretzels out the window. Troy looks at me weird – which is not unusual – and I tell him I am marking our way back in case we get lost. We have a hound dog – she can follow the pretzels! Ha ha! We get to the shipper, finish the paperwork, eat din din and go nighty night.

Bright and early at the butt crack of dawn (they are an hour ahead of us) we get up to deal with getting the additional pads from the other driver. Maybe. Turns out NO ONE told him another driver was driving all over God’s green earth looking for pads and would be stealing some from him the following morning. And apparently his Momma never taught him how to share, cuz he threw a conniption about it.

At this point Troy is like a Tasmanian Devil yelling and screaming about needing pads, “I need pads!” (Makes me glad I don’t get my period anymore – holy cow!) Then they work it out and they split the pads and we all get our load on around noon – 24 hours + later than schedule.

Anyone who wants to tell me that driving truck is an easy job has never witnessed my boyfriend parallel park this big pig! (Yes, he does this and quite nicely too I must say! He can’t do it with my mini-van, but hey….everyone’s got some talents!)

Ecclesiasties says there is a time for everything....does that include a time to....DRiNK?? hmmmm

Well we are at the close of January and since my birthday was a couple of days ago, I spose I ought to reflect upon the last year of my life…..ok that’s a depressing thought – maybe I better not. Things are pretty shitty all the way around, the only highlight of my life are my girls who are growing up way to darn fast and I feel that time is just slipping by. I am hopeful that this year will be a better one for us all and insist that I do everything I can to make sure that happens.

I am looking forward to a change in my life that I feel is not only for the better, but exactly what we all need at this juncture. We need to have something good and wonderful for once and I think that this may be it. I will keep you all posted – keep us in your prayers – for safety and wisdom. Thanks everyone…..Love, me:)

I have lived with a few men in my life and there have always been problems with communication. I have heard that in order to “help” the man understand me and what I am saying I need to say it in a way that a man can grasp.

I have finally found a list of words women say to men that men need to learn in order to understand what women are saying. It is in plain English, so men should have no trouble after they memorize and practice them.

Here is the list:

9 WORDS WOMEN USE

1.) FINE: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to SHUT UP!

2.) FIVE MINUTES: If she is getting dressed, this means a 1/2 hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to finish doing your thing before helping her with her things.

3.) NOTHING: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you’d better be on your toes! Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4.) GO AHEAD: This is a dare – not permission. In other words: DON’T DO IT!

5.) LOUD SIGH: This is actually a word, but it is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6.) THAT’S OK: This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before she decides how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7.) THANKS: This is her thanking you – do not question it or faint; simply say you're welcome.

8.) WHATEVER: This is a women’s way of saying Screw YOU!

9.) DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT; I GOT IT: Another very dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "What's wrong?" For the woman’s response refer to #3.

It’s not a bad year; it’s a bad ear….day!

2008 is simply not going well. So far, I have managed to become seriously more in debt, making my previous status of penniless and poverty seem glamorous. I am hanging on to school by nothing but a hangnail and a prayer. My grades are good, (but I have another stab at College Algebra I this term – so we’ll see how long that lasts!) but affording college right now is out of the question, so I guess we will see what happens.

Troy’s parents are still dealing with the enormous aftermath of their Christmas Day house fire. They are getting really worn out physically and emotionally – necessitating Troy and his brothers to help out a great deal. The youngest brother doesn’t help much at all – in fact the only way he can be of help is by just staying out of the picture. Other wise, he's asking for a handout of some sort...it's maddening. The next oldest is working for the construction company doing the rebuilding – so his days are already filled with this project as well as others from previous commitments. The next oldest brother is struggling to make any time available he can - what with his two full-time jobs, wife and two young children, etc. Troy is the oldest and is just now going back on the road. The trucking industry has really died down and is not projected to pick up again until well into the second quarter of this year. This reality along with all the financial woes he is already waging war with have done a fantastic job on his self – esteem and his drive to provide for us.

A family member just matter-of-factly informed me that they will be taking a few thousand dollars from me – money that by law they can take, but ethically should not. This person knew full well that I was counting on that money to get my family: Troy, my children and I into a home of our own. Had this “decision we all agreed to” actually been just that, Troy and I would have saved all past payments to this person – and we would be in our own home right now. Ok, so God has chosen not to fulfill this need right now, but the necessity of it is so essentially vital; it is hard to fathom why we have to continue to wait. The kids need me and I need them. The continuation of our recovery from past demons requires us to be together.

Reminds me of a show that I watched on TV this weekend. It had different people that were trying to sell their homes asking anywhere from $700,000.00 – over a million for them and they were bemoaning the fact that if they didn’t sell immediately they would have to pay another mortgage payment of $10,000.00. (Good grief!) I would be happy to have a shack to pay a few hundred for and these people simply cannot live within their means.

Hmmm, I wonder, what they would do in my shoes?? They would think that it is the most impossible thing to do, but hey, I have more company than they do – there are more homeless people than there are wealthy. (Is this where the mentality of “Misery loves company” comes from?) I don’t know – but it is pretty ridiculous to put oneself in their position, but society frowns upon those in mine more. Like, one day we just wake up and say 'hey! I am so sick of having all of my needs met – I am going to be a homeless person for the next couple of years! That oughta be a blast! *sure*

Ok, in case any of you think that I am trying to throw a pity party for myself – consider this: The last time you saw a grubby looking guy on the side of the road holding a sign that says “WILL WORK FOR FOOD” have you given the poor soul a spare $100.00 bill burgeoning your wallet? Or even $1.00 for that matter? I think that it is safe to assume you didn’t. But you would consider helping a friend make that $10,000.00 house payment – or at least, feel sympathy for the poor dear…puh-leeeeze!

It’s no small wonder that our world is so messed up. With our priorities in such a gross fiasco, we have to really take an inventory of ourselves and make some serious changes. For instance: Have we considered that the guy holding that sign might have a family that he is trying to get food for? Or do we assume that what he really wants is money to score drugs or that he might drink it all away? Get real – with the job market the way it is (in the dumper, in case you didn’t know) he probably can’t “go out and get a real job” like I have heard so many say after sighting one of these people.

What about our own jobs? If we have one (or more) do we gripe and complain all the time about it? I bet that guy would give his left arm to trade places with one of us! When was the last time we really truly were thankful that we had work and a paycheck to represent it instead of focusing on the negative and undesirable aspects of it? Well, those of you who know me can tell that I am preaching at myself – not just others. This is my soapbox for the day – so I will shut up now. :)

Happy New Year everyone! ~ Bridget