The Hidden Cost

The hidden cost to crime takes into consideration the ripple effects on the crime itself. In my case, my rape has affected not only me, but my children, my boyfriend, my parents, my siblings and my friends.

Just in my case alone, following the rape, I dropped out of school for 2 terms, was unable to care for myself much less my kids, and other responsibilities. My diabetes took dangerous levels and I nearly died from it. In one instance, my boyfriend found me at a gas station in my vehicle with the engine running and I was slumped over the wheel. Health care for me rose significantly. I couldn’t eat (not a good thing when you are diabetic), I still can’t sleep, I have difficulty with concentration, anger management is loosely controlled with medication, my anxiety is through the roof and I physically attack people in my sleep if they try to wake me. I lost all of my material things. I had an entire house fully furnished that was taken from me, forcing me to start over.

My children have suffered insurmountable affects from the rape. The abandonment of their father to prison, the loss of emotional care and support from me, their mother as I numbly exist from one day to the next. I am not able to work at a traditional job, so I work in the truck with my boyfriend. That helps make money, but physically takes me away from my children when they need me the most. However, I am still in recovery myself and not able to provide full time care for them yet. Last school year, my children suffered academically as well. My middle child in particular was understandably full of rage. Although an exceptionally bright child, she absolutely refused to follow directions. As she has received unconditional love from my parents who are caring for my children at the present time, and a stable environment, my daughter is slowly making significant progress. During the past few months, I have been able to redirect my attention back to my children and their needs. I am careful to make contact with each of them every day, and when we are home, we spend 100% of the time together often taking the kids out of school during those days. (Thankfully, the school is small and know the situation and encourage us to do this.) My middle child has always been particularly affected by the domestic abuse in the home. She would never give hugs or kisses and refused to take them. My parents and I never forced her, but we kept telling her we want to show our love to her. Each time I went home, I encouraged all of my kids to talk about what had happened and gave them permission to be angry. I felt this was important to let them know that this was a crime against all of us as a family and that their feelings mattered and needed to be expressed. I went home for Thanksgiving and she came flying up to me and threw her arms around me, kissed me on the cheek and said “I love you Mama!” I was so shocked, I just looked at her. She said “Mama, I give hugs and kisses now.” I asked her, “Are you not angry anymore?” She said “No, I am not angry any more.” She has become a model student in school. She controls her temper much better than ever before. This wonderful memory now replaces the last most vivid one that involved her. A few weeks after the incident, I was tucking her in bed and she said to me “Mama, how come my ears don’t work?” She had been the only one that hadn’t woken up the night I was raped. I asked her why she thought they don’t work and she said “because they didn’t wake me up when Daddy was hurting you and you needed my help.” Although she has made progress, I ponder as to what effects this will have on her as an adult. How will this affect her ability to have relationships of her own? This is a hidden cost of this crime that hasn’t manifested itself.

My boyfriend, who had only been dating me for a month prior to my rape, has taken on the responsibility of caring and providing for us all. He has changed in his demeanor significantly having gone through all of the rage with me, the trial process and court hearings on custody of the children. He has stepped into the “father” role with the children; although he assures the kids that they do not need to call him dad. They can if they want to, but they do not have to. He has had completely redesign his entire life to care for us.

My parents have had their lives turned upside down with this tragedy. My mother had to quit her job to stay home and care for the kids, one of whom has learning disabilities and is home schooled. Three children is a lot to take on and with the problems it is increased ten – fold. My parents have had to put off the “golden years” of their lives, with all of their children now grown and start over. My dad works overtime to make ends meet to provide for the children. My mother had heart problems during the court proceedings causing her to need to be hospitalized.

The financial aspect of my boyfriend’s, parents as well as my own life is unimaginable. Hidden costs to crime don’t just count the dollars. They count the scars, the wounds, the visible and non – visible alike. They count the emotional damage that becomes ingrained within one who has suffered that remains with them the rest of their lives. My children will undoubtedly experience trouble with relationships as they get older. My prayer for them is that we can help them now, to decrease that probability. The emotional and physical damage has begun to fade, but will never totally disappear. The financial damage will likely take years to overcome.

This synopsis is only from one crime affecting many people and considering the hidden costs to us. There are probably more that I am forgetting but I think these are the main ones.

~Bridget